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Let me preface this post that I am not, nor do I claim to be, an expert on parenting and/or potty training. This is our experience in presenting this information to our daughter and what worked for us may not work for everyone. Although my intention in sharing is to document the process as it applies to us, I hope it offers help to someone else beginning the same adventure. This is not a sponsored post; any opinions regarding products are my own and were not compensated in any way. Warning: it’s long. If you would rather read a much shorter and lighter post, click here.

Since Madison could acknowledge when she used the bathroom, we decided to give potty training a try. At 19 months, several people told us it was too early and to wait until she was at least 2 years old. We asked her pediatrician who informed us to try whenever we felt she was ready, after all if it didn’t work we could always try again later… thus began Project Potty.


After reading several horror stories among a few success stories, we jumped in head first and followed our instincts in hopes we wouldn’t traumatize her too severely in the event our efforts weren’t effective. Allison seized the opportunity for a girl’s only outing where she allowed Madison to pick out her own big girl underwear and assist in selecting a potty. With little parental guidance, we ended up with the Baby Bjorn Potty Chair. This particular potty has a removable inner tray for easy emptying and cleaning plus the potty itself is small enough to sit anywhere we’d like it to, both options that seemed to work for us at the moment. We wanted something easy to maintain and something mobile so it could tag along when visiting the grandparents or going on trips. We also wanted to make it clear the potty is not a toy, therefore, we didn’t go with the various singing and colorful options in hopes the transition to the toilet would be easier to conquer later.

The first few days were scattered with accidents, but the difference in diapers and underwear surprised her and seemed to prove the point of using the potty far more than verbally explaining it ever could. We initially started over the weekend where both Allison and I were home to provide our undivided attention to a somewhat formal potty training schedule. It seemed every thirty minutes we checked in asking if she had to go. What about now? Are you sure? Do you want to try? I think you should try. Let’s try.

After a successful trip to the potty, she was rewarded with a sticker of her choice and/or a cookie but not before a full round of applause. One would argue we were overreacting, but the joy was genuine and worth it when her excitement mirrored ours. Once Monday arrived the challenge of losing the momentum presented itself, but we’re blessed to have my mother-in-law come to watch Madison during the day while we’re at work so the odds seemed to be in our favor. Picking up where we left off, her help seemed to solidify the potty as the place to go when the going needed to happen. We were surprised at how quickly Madison picked up the idea and although six months later we still have a sporadic accident (not yet in public, knock on wood) for the most part she lets us know when she needs to use the potty. We still ask on the regular, but the rewards have slowly faded without effect on the results.

If asked to provide a How-We-Went-About-Potty-Training guide, it would be as follows:


Ask for their opinion when choosing the potty and underwear. Including their opinion encourages curiosity and excitement about receiving new information. Hopefully, the interest in the beginning will propel the entire process.


Presentation is everything. Using the potty should be the only option going forward so hide all the diapers. We used pull ups at night although it was seldom to find she used the bathroom overnight. At first we let her wear underwear while traveling or running errands, but after a few accidents in the car seat and, consequently, the washing of said car seat we encourage pull ups in the car and promptly change her into underwear when we arrive at our destination. To each their own! Personally, uninstalling the car seat to take it apart to wash it only to put it back together and reinstall it was a nightmare so this is on our mental list to revisit. Other than those instances, she is in underwear all the time and the potty is ready for use.


Initiate a reward system. Some people use charts to track their progress while others use small, inexpensive toys as rewards. We used stickers (special stickers covered in glitter that were separate from any stickers she would typically play with) and cookies. Madison happens to love chocolate chip cookies so discovering an incentive was easy for us, but every child is different.


Provide a distraction. It seemed to be easier for Madison if she had a distraction. If sat on the potty in a silent room with her mother and I willing her to go with our stares, nothing happened. Cartoons or a toy could provide an easy distraction long enough to break the tension and allow her to go comfortably. For Madison, she prefers light reading material so books are always near.


Praise! Don’t punish. As with anything your child does, it’s important to praise them when they do something well… this isn’t any different. We would make a celebration of successful trips to the potty and our excitement was contagious as she immediately became joyous of her triumphs. At the same time, we refused to scold or punish her in cases of an accident. We made it clear she has to use the potty and she knows what is expected of her plus chances are she’s already embarrassed so why add to that. Sometimes lessons are better learned in the moment without additional or unnecessary commentary.
  
Again, every child is different.  What worked for Madison (and us) may not work for someone else. The journey of potty training isn’t a clear path and doesn’t have a complete set of directions. The above guidelines are what seemed to help us through the task and who knows… maybe they’ll help someone else, too.  We’re all in this parenting thing together, one way or another, right?

* Click here for an update regarding our potty training experience and results.

PROJECT POTTY

June 30, 2013

The night of her second birthday, Madison stayed up late swimming in the sea of cotton sheets in our bed while a Disney princess movie dimly lit the room.  Eventually the partially clothed mice and singing bluebirds became her lullaby encouraging her eyes to close just before the hands of the clock displayed her actual time of birth from just two short years ago.  Being a princess is exhausting... an epiphany she would have herself the following day at her Snow White themed party.


With invitations received a week prior exclaiming "Mirror, Mirror on the wall / Come celebrate and have a ball" the guests arrived and were greeted by a handcrafted sign emulating the dwarf's handiwork pointing them towards the backyard.  My parents were generous in allowing Allison and me to turn the wooded lot behind their house into an enchanted forest.  Clear balloons tied to fishing line held in the ground by golf tees occupied space between trees while a bubble machine hid among the foliage giving the illusion of a magical, bubble filled forest.

The menu was light since the party began at 3pm.  There was a cake, of course, and chopped fruit compiled of strawberries, pineapple and blueberries (Madison's favorite plus the three coordinated with the red/yellow/blue color scheme provided by Snow White's threads).  There were platters of small sandwiches and a large bowl of chips. 

Allison hulled out apples to fill with vanilla ice cream sprinkling a dash of cinnamon on top. Homemade caramel apples sat wrapped individually in plastic and tied with ribbon. Apple Juice, Sweet Tea and water were available for whistle wetting.

As every once upon a time eventually leads to a happily ever after, the party began and ended in what seemed like the blink of an eye... the same speed of time in which our baby girl somehow morphed into a toddler.  A little girl whom is the fairest of them all, an opinion shared by myself and her mother and perhaps a mirror somewhere on a wall.

MADISON'S SNOW WHITE PARTY

June 25, 2013

Last Friday just before noon this happened:


A man dressed in black wearing a backpack full of ammunition and carrying a firearm walked up to a gentleman in the parking lot of a law firm and shot him.  This man then walked across five lanes of traffic into the parking lot of a Walmart and opened fire on three other individuals at random.  A woman in a nearby restaurant saw the shooter heading towards a neighboring Toys R Us and in a moment of panic laced with heroism, she found the number to the store and called with a warning.  The employees managed to lock the doors just before the man arrived.  Realizing the doors were locked he walked in the opposite direction and straight into the path of police.  After a brief shootout, the man was apprehended.  The victims involved are all expected to recover.

Unfortunately, it's not uncommon to read of events such as this in the news lately.  It's the world in which we live in.  Sad, but true.  This particular shooting was practically in my backyard.  The side effects rippled through neighboring towns and stole the sense of security many take for granted.  In times like these communities come together, relationships are repaired that would have otherwise dissolved and eyes are opened to the potential monsters hiding in plain sight.

Let the silver lining be a gentle reminder to all of us everywhere to hug tighter and longer and more often.  Those you love need to hear the words. Say it. Show it. Share it. Right now. Right away.  Offer smiles to everyone you meet, you never know whose day you're making. 

WALMART SHOOTING

June 23, 2013

As a child, summer was by far my favorite time of the year primarily because school was out and my days were spent sleeping in then pool side.  Watching Madison develop favorites of her own is like seeing for the first time, a brand new perspective in which to view the world.


Last year, Madison was drawn to the ocean leaving piles of sand to fill in her tiny footprints behind her. She left sand castles deserted mid-construction as she eagerly made friends with the waves of the Atlantic. I never wanted that moment to end as the sound of her squealing laughter increased with every high five from the salty palms rushing towards us. I tried to match her smile with my own, but it’s impossible to compare the joy she exudes with the joy she provides… a race where the cars are forever parallel and never too far ahead of the other.

This week marks the beginning of summer and I can’t help but wonder if Madison will choose the ocean over the sand again this year. If so, will the sand recognize and compensate for those tiny footprints that have grown slightly over the last 365 days? We shall see.

Welcome summer.  It’s nice to see you again, old friend.

SUMMER

June 20, 2013

Allison and I went to a wedding a few weeks back. I posted this picture on Instagram that day:


FOR BETTER OR WORSE, RAIN OR SHINE... LOVE CONQUERS ALL

While that was such a quick statement meant to be a witty pun at the current weather conditions we were subject to at the moment, it stayed with me the rest of the evening. The attendees (myself included) were gathered and herded through a back gate and into a building where the outside ceremony would slowly evolve into an indoor exchange of vows.

We watched as the dance floor designated for the reception transitioned into an elevated platform and flowers were brought in from various areas to adorn the newly constructed site for the bride and groom to stand. The crowd was divided down the middle to create an aisle and one-by-one the wedding party made their way to the front of the room as a prologue to the bride’s appearance. Regardless of the weather conditions or nerves or any other internal dialogue she may have been repeating, the bride (as every bride should be) was beautiful.

Vows were exchanged and promises were made and I couldn’t help but reflect on the words Allison and I spoke to one another during our own wedding day. Almost 5 years later, we’ve managed to weather every storm to come our way. Together.  As any relationship can attest to, when it rains it pours (arguments are inevitable) but in the end it’s how you dry yourself off that counts.

If the love is true, if the love is real… it will conquer all.  Always.  For better or worse, rain or shine.

RAIN OR SHINE

June 18, 2013

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not sure what I did right along the way to earn the privilege of being Madison's father.  She's a blessing.  I'm reminded of this every day I'm able to hold her tiny hand in my own, but perhaps it's a little more obvious on the day designated to pay tribute to the honor it is to be a parent.  I'm honored to be the father of such an amazing little girl that hopefully will learn from my mistakes and ultimately make the world a better place.  If my influence on her is half of the influence she has on me, the wish of a kinder world will be a reality in due time.


Fatherhood is a club where the price of admission is change of mind.  Our children are given to us, in one way or another, to help us as much as we help them; a relationship like any other where both parties, side by side, continue to lean upon the other although for very different reasons.  To anyone fulfilling the responsibilities and sharing in the esteemed title of Dad... thanks for all you do.  Happy Father's Day.

FATHER'S DAY

June 16, 2013

Last year, Madison turned one and we took her to the park for her birthday… just the three of us.

Madison. Allison. And me.  Our family.

We were celebrating with a party involving extended family and friends on Saturday since her actual birthday fell on a Thursday, but we wanted to make the real day special for her. Both Allison and I took the day off work to give her our undivided attention.

We wanted to catch every smile she threw at us, collecting them for a time when she would rather spend this day with her friends instead of her parents. We wanted to soak in her laughter and bathe in her joy and witness the wobble of her stance while she struggled for balance. We wanted to hold her in our arms as a baby forever. We wanted to remember those last 12 months that changed our lives for the better.  We wanted her. An epiphany we had early on, but one that continues to reveal itself with every blink of those beautiful brown eyes.

Today she turns two and we’re spending it with her again… just the three of us… memorizing every moment she blesses us with a smile from those little lips, every moment she runs full speed into my arms, every moment she screams with delight and puts her tiny hands on my face to look right in my eyes saying she loves me without using any words at all.

 Every. Moment.

Over the next few days she will open boxes covered in decorative paper and topped with bows to discover joy in the form of molded plastic and shades of pink. Meanwhile, her mother and I will stand back and watch as we battle the lumps in our throat that slowly evolve into wet eyes and wide smiles.  We'll watch as the most perfect gift we've ever received, a gift that continues to give every day, transitions into her second year of life.

Happy Birthday, Madison.

Happy Birthday to you. 

MADISON TURNS TWO

June 14, 2013

There are very few things in life that compare to the moment of discovery that you’re going to be a parent, that moment of realization that someone in this world will depend solely on you and suddenly every decision carries more weight than ever before. The consequences of those decisions immediately become more threatening and ever present. The nine months leading up to Madison’s arrival passed more quickly than any other nine months of my life… every week I found myself falling in love with Allison all over again. Each milestone along the pregnancy trail I watched her belly grow and, simultaneously, I could feel my heart expanding to house an amount of love I never knew was within my emotional range.


Four days after her projected due date, Allison woke me up on a Tuesday morning to calmly say her water broke and that she was getting in the shower. Wide eyed I asked her if she needed anything. What could I do for her? What happens next? Why was she getting in the shower? Even though the answers to all of those questions had been discussed in length for months leading up to this very moment, my memory (and every part of my being) immediately turned into complete mush.

We were ready… as ready as we could be. The car seat had been installed for almost a month. The bag of essentials and a corresponding checklist sat packed occupying a space by the door for several weeks. Madison’s first set of pajamas (and the dress she would come home in) was decided upon and eagerly awaiting to be worn. A set of contacts were combined in my phone appropriately named “The Labor List” of friends that wanted quick updates via text along the way.

Allison mentioned a few times during the pregnancy that at this moment in the journey she would want to take a shower before going to the hospital, an option I felt wasn’t out of the question or uncommon… until this moment arrived. She called the midwife who said to come in shortly for a quick office visit before rushing to the hospital in a cloud of panic (a decision that was undoubtedly bouncing around manically in my head). Allison then took a shower, painted her fingernails and toenails (a feat deserving of a medal given the obstacle of an overdue pregnancy belly) and adjusted her hair.  I don't want to look like a complete mess and scare her the first time she sees me was her reasoning.  Meanwhile, I tried to remain calm and mentally prepare myself for leaving as a family of two and returning as a family of three.

In a few hours we were pulling up to the hospital, after speaking with our midwife, only to drive into a construction zone located in front of the Labor and Delivery wing. We slowly continued rolling into the parking lot when a guy in a yellow construction hat and a vest decorated with reflective tape approached Allison’s window. As the window glided down I heard him say something about parking in another area when before he finished speaking Allison quickly informed him “I’m in labor!” to which he immediately had us pull up to the glass doors and called for valet.

A grand adventure is about to begin.
- Winnie the Pooh

We checked in filling out all necessary paperwork before being told we would have to wait in a triage room until our designated room was ready.  While waiting in a room with multiple beds used for sorting and assessment purposes, Allison was given her IV and fluids and told our room would be ready shortly. Allison made sure the nurse promised her our baby would not be delivered in this room. A room with four beds divided by half wall curtains hung by chains from a track maze attached to the ceiling. Two patients later who were also in labor, one in agonizing pain incapable of answering simple questions and the other whose toddler found the curtain dividers amusing as he ran underneath and between them all, I found my patience had surpassed its limit and I was on a hunt for our room.

Not ten minutes later, we were in our room (a room just for us with a TV we wouldn't have time to watch and a couch where my sleep deprived body would later come to rest and a private bathroom).  Allison was started on Pitocin while we watched her contractions reflected on the monitor.  While she said they were painful, they seemed manageable. The nurse and midwife would stop in periodically and after a few more hours decided to check her progress discovering she had dilated 3 centimeters which then led them to finish breaking her water.

The next hour was full of excruciating pain. The room inhabited by Allison and myself, a nurse and our midwife… we asked our family to wait in the lounge area as we didn’t want anyone else in the room during the delivery. The midwife noticed the contractions were building in intensity and coming one behind the other with very little time between them. Allison asked for an epidural and the nurse put in the request informing us the anesthesiologist was in surgery and would be here as soon as possible. I pushed heat pads into the lower portion of Allison’s back per her request while our midwife held her hand bedside.

 I felt helpless.

After one solid hour of the worst pain of her life, Allison was finally given the epidural she had been screaming for and almost instantly her demeanor changed. Relief. The midwife checked her again and was surprised to find she was dilated 10 centimeters - a full 7 centimeters in an hour!  Allison was allowed a much deserved nap to prepare for the pushing portion of the delivery and I grabbed a quick bite to eat updating our family in the waiting room (and The Labor List). Another sixty minutes passed before the nurse and midwife returned to the room and we woke Allison up to start pushing. She pushed for an hour until our baby girl made her appearance.

Finally.  She was here.


Madison was born four days overdue on a warm Tuesday night and before the clock collected enough minutes to qualify as Wednesday morning, I found myself in love with someone I just met. Together, her mother and I gave her life yet she returned the favor instantaneously by giving us purpose. A reason to live. A desire to be the best people, the best spouses, the best parents we never knew we could be.

She was perfect.

She was the perfect addition to our family. I remember pressing my lips against her forehead to experience what a perfectly sealed kiss felt like. I squeezed her into my chest for the definition of a heartbeat. I inhaled deeply, in hopes I would smell Heaven in that moment. After all, she was a gift from God.  She was the missing piece to a puzzle we didn't know existed.  She completes us.

MADISON'S BIRTH STORY

June 11, 2013

I'll never forget... she told me the news on October 3, 2010. It was mid-morning on a Sunday when Allison handed me a stick with a cap on it confirming she was pregnant. We were having a baby. I immediately asked her to take the second test of the boxed pair while I was present. I wanted to supervise to make sure there wasn’t any room for error (really I wanted to stall while I soaked in the information). Ideally, I would have liked to pause time while I found the strength to carry the weight of this announcement.

She felt nauseous. I drummed my fingers on the bathroom counter. She capped the stick and cried. I felt nauseous. She passed me the instructions to compare the positive result a second time. I wanted to cry.  This pregnancy was unplanned (though not a mistake, never a mistake)... we were not prepared.

We sat together in a place of knowing that night and let the fog of nerves and fear surround us before allowing the light of excitement to shine through. Those emotions would carry us on a rollercoaster of twists and turns for the next nine months as I watched my wife’s body slowly expand to make room for a love we never knew existed. A type of love we never knew we were capable of giving.  We promised ourselves we would do the best we could and believed (still do) that everything happens for a reason. 
 
From this point forward, everything would change for the better. We were having a baby.

P FOR POSITIVE

June 9, 2013

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