TRANSLATING TODDLER TALK

Sometimes I’ll hear a word wrapped in the exceptionally sweet tone of a toddler voice and for a few seconds my world stops spinning until I’m able to translate or decode the letters she put together that sound like other words or sometimes they sound exactly like those four letter words that we, as adults, try to eliminate from our vocabularies. Sometimes this happens in public and I can feel my face displaying every shade of red from pink to maroon, my ears burn and I let out a slight chuckle followed by the correct pronunciation of the word in a volume loud enough for all surrounding parties to hear. I’ve learned several lessons in the last 2+ years of parenting, one being how to translate toddler talk.

Rest assured, my two year old does not have the mouth of a sailor but more so a learning curve when it comes to pronouncing certain letters combined within a word. I’m convinced this will correct itself in time. Meanwhile she's keeping me on my toes every time we're in a restaurant and she asks for her fork and spoon which sounds surprisingly like please pass my f*cking spoon. Or we're in the grocery store and she asks that we get sprinkles for ice cream later which sounds remarkably like get pickles for my ice cream. Or when we're in the yard and the neighbors are within earshot as she cries out for help because she lost one of her Crocs, her pleas for assistance sound alarmingly like I can't find my c*ck. There's never a dull moment in this whole parenting thing, not even for a second, and it's probably the most fun I've ever had.

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