Is it me or does it seem as if manners are a thing of the past? Like chivalry, maybe manners are slowly meeting an untimely demise. If so, it's unfortunate. I'm hoping they survive and make the comeback they so desperately need.
Occasionally I find myself on the receiving end of an off-the-cuff comment that I'm not sure how to respond to right away. Then later I'll have numerous responses that I should have said or wish I'd come up with at the time... but it's too late.
A comeback has to happen immediately or else it would be called a comeback-later-if/when-you-think-of-something.
I also don't like to intentionally hurt some one's feelings so in effort to be nice, I let a lot of remarks slide without a reaction. Sticks and stones, right? Don't get me wrong, there aren't people constantly slinging insults my way (or to my face, at least)... I'm no victim. However, my ears have fallen prey to backhanded compliments and subtle digs over the years. Both of which infuriate me. I'd rather one be direct then to say something with a subliminal, underlying message that punches me in the stomach after I've thought about it and over-analyzed it in my head.
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Here are a few examples of what was said to me, what I said back and the shoulda/woulda/coulda's.
Jerk #1: Why are you dressing like Mr. Rogers? Is your wife picking out your clothes these days?
Response: What do you have against a cardigan? Actually she did pick this out as a Christmas gift.
At that particular moment, I was wearing a navy cardigan that I got for Christmas. Now I've never owned a cardigan before and I've been on the fence about it ever since I unwrapped it, but figured I would give it a shot and then this jackhole smelled my indifference and attacked like a shark with blood in the water.
Comeback Later: It's better my wife pick out my clothes than my mom as in your case. I'm sure my reward at the end of the day far outweighs yours. Or a simple don't hate would suffice.
Jerk #2: Some one is having a bad hair day. (Insert raised eyebrows and a head tilt in my direction.)
Response: Yeah. I could use a hair cut.
Comeback Later: I know! It must be in the air. I'm relieved to see you're having one, too.
Jerk #3: You're really putting on some weight around the middle there, aren't you?
Response: Blank eyes. Awkward smile. Uncomfortable chuckle. Exit.
Comeback Later: I'm just trying to catch up with you.
Jerk #4: You should go back to college and make something of yourself. Now that you're getting married, you'll need to support a family.
Response: Thanks. Are you going to pay for it?
Even though this happened years ago, I can still taste the bitterness that rolled off my tongue that day like the lingering heat from a smokey jalapeno. Let me set the scene here... this comment was made to me at a wedding shower thrown for Allison and I in a room full of other people by someone I've never spoken to in my life. Clearly, my mother confided in this person somewhere along the way her disappointment that I didn't complete my college education and this person saw this as ammunition. I'm a huge advocate for furthering your education and regret some of the decisions I've made in that regard; however, a degree shouldn't define you nor should it be the sole factor of your identity. I'm not one to discuss the financial hierarchy of one person to the next as I believe that money isn't a direct reflection of one's character or heart... but, that being said, I feel it's worth sharing I currently hold a management position at a salary level that competes with those that have degrees. I've also seen the struggle of people who have degrees that cannot find a job or are forced to take a lower paying job because nothing else is available. Bottom line -- it's never okay to question, judge or discuss someone else's financial situation unless they bring the topic to you. It's also in poor taste to bring up sensitive topics in a room full of acquaintances.
Comeback Later: Someone once said, and I think it's applicable here, you can pay for school but you can't buy class.
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Of course, I would never use those comebacks because I have manners... okay maybe I would use that last one but only because I enjoy well placed Jay Z references. Overall, it's better to kill people with kindness.
Sadly manners are underrated these days. As parents of the next generation, I encourage every mother and father to stress the importance of a simple Please and Thank You, the kind gesture of holding/opening a door for someone, the significance of treating others how you would like to be treated and to smile in passing because joy can be contagious.
I've told Madison one of the secrets in life is to have good manners... good teeth and good credit. If everyone maintained those three, the world would be a better place. If you had to choose three things to share, what would they be? Would manners be one of them?
I got 99 problems, but manners ain't one.
