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When you’ve dated someone for a while, people start asking when the two of you will get engaged.  When you’re engaged, people start asking for the wedding date.  When you’re married, people start asking for your plan regarding children.  When you have one, people ask about number two.
 
People ask a lot of questions.

The last question is where we are currently.  People ask Allison and me all the time what our plans are for future kids.  It’s almost as if they look over Madison completely in hopes to see her sibling, as if every child should have a brother or a sister, as if every parent should have more than one child, as if their curiosity will encourage us to have another, as if we say one is enough for us we’ve committed some kind of crime against humanity and offended all the wombs (fertilized or not) of society.

Those people are entitled to their opinions.  So am I. 

For me, I’m at a place where I cannot see past Madison.  She’s my world.  I’m so inspired by her and fulfilled and grateful for her.  Consumed.  Satisfied.  Complete.  A puzzle where the last piece was finally placed to reveal the bigger picture.  Whole.

While I never want to deprive her of joy, in this case a sibling or the experience of having one, part of me fears the unknown.  As it stands now, she’s perfect.  She’s the child lullabies are constructed of and the child portraits try desperately to portray.  She’s all I could ask for, all that I ever wanted, all that I never knew I needed in a daughter and it seems unfathomable that another child could play the same part.

Maybe I’m selling myself short.  Maybe if Allison and I created something so pure and necessary and right once before surely we could do it again.  Or did we cash in all of our savings for one lump sum because it certainly feels like we hit the lottery with her.

While a second child would without doubt change the dynamic of our family, would it be for the better?  While I would provide and care for and love a second child without question, would it be as much as I love Madison?  Would I constantly compare the two?  Questions forced to be rhetorical because a definitive answer doesn’t exist.

The other night the three of us sat around the table, blessed our food and started to eat.  Next to our plates were a few mail catalogs that made a short journey from our mailbox to our kitchen table for an indefinite rest.  Allison picked one up and flipped through as we discussed our day and encouraged Madison to use a fork instead of her fingers.  Then she paused on a picture idea for our Christmas card this year before locking the beautiful brown eyes she shares with Madison on mine and for a second I got lost in the love between us, in the image of her when we first met before she mentioned she wanted another child.  She wanted another baby.

She became one of those people asking questions.  When could we have another?

Consequently, now I'm one of the people asking questions.  Could we have another?  Should we?

And Madison?  She's approached the topic a few times so obviously she's thinking about it, too.

6 comments

  1. All great questions to ask yourself when considering another child. Rest assured, you will love another child the same amount you love Madison. You will probably love both of them more than you love Madison right now, if you can even imagine loving Madison more than you already do now. That's how I feel now. I love our first more. I love our second more. I didn't know I had so much love to give!

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    1. I know. You're right. It's just so hard to believe that I could double the amount of love I have currently (that I never knew was possible). I think I might explode. We'll cross that bridge when/if we get to it, I suppose.

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  2. I was positive that I could not love anyone as much as I loved Remmy, nor did I have room to love another. And then Sophie was born and then Minnie was born, and all of that love and devotion multiplies and grows. Watching the way they love each other, too, is just sooo rewarding. :)

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    1. I can only imagine. Plus, it's easy when they're as cute as yours! It's just hard to picture myself with another one. We'll see what happens, I guess.

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  3. I know how you feel. Addison is everything and so much more than I ever could have dreamed. She's perfect. I go back and forth about wanting more because I worry about if I'll havr enough love or if I'll feel the 2nd is less perfect than Addison.

    I think God will definitely open your heart, and mine for a second child though, because he has for millions of people with more than one child. If he didn't I wouldn't be here since I'm a second born ;)

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    1. You're right. I have an older brother so I'm glad my parents decided to have another child or else I wouldn't be here either. We haven't closed the door completely on the option of a second, so we'll see.

      Thanks for stopping by, Lauren! I appreciate it.

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