SOAKING IT IN

Over the weekend I inflated a somewhat large pool Madison received for her birthday the year before and filled it full of water before inviting her to jump in. We spent the day under the sun in our backyard experimenting which toys of hers would float and which wouldn’t, we discussed the shapes of the clouds overhead and watched the trail of an occasional plane flying by, we interrupted the casual routine of the birds that visit the feeder for their daily fill of seeds and by the end of the day we retreated back inside slightly more pink than we were hours before.

We bathed and changed into our pajamas treating ourselves to snacks here and there before ultimately settling down on the couch to watch an animated feline Sheriff protect a town from a pie thief. When the clock struck bedtime, all three of us headed to the one room that seems to make us smile the most to tuck in the one person who does the same and after we asked for forgiveness and counted our blessings, thanking Him for it all, Madison grabbed my hand and squeezed it as tight as the strength of a two year old would allow and I could tell she didn’t want the day to end… to be honest, I didn’t either.

She’s going to be three in a few weeks and it seems the days are flying by, I try my best to live in the moment, to soak in every giggle and blink and mannerism she throws away, but I know in the end I’ll always wish for more time with her. It’s crazy; this joy of parenting, the amount of love inside and how it continues to grow from one sunrise to the next when I’ve convinced myself it’s impossible to love her any more than I do right now yet somehow, someway it manages to double itself every time my head touches the pillow. She rolled over that night, my exit cue, and I could hear the tears in her voice as she said she loved me and I did my best to swallow the lump in my throat to say it back.

SOAKING IT IN

May 27, 2014

CHATTY PATTY, VOL. 10

I'm not sure if these are amusing to anyone else or just Allison and me since we're her parents, but I have a feeling we'll look back one day enjoying that we captured some of Madison's random little comments (click here for more).

When explaining relationships...

ALLISON:  Nana is my mother and Granddaddy is my father.

ME:  Just like Grandma is my mother and Papa is my father.

MADISON:  So Daddy is my Mama and Mama is Daddy's Mama and Daddy is Mama's Daddy.

--

Picking up Barbie Mermaid...

MADISON:  Your hair looks rough, whew girl.

--

Playing with her tea set...

ALLISON:  What are you making?

MADISON:  Tea.

ME:  How do you make tea?

MADISON:  Put some sugar in it, stir it up. Put some chocolate kisses in it and stir it up again.

--

MADISON:  Mama is the boss.

ME:  Oh, really? Who am I then?

MADISON:  A crocodile.

--

At a restaurant and a waitress brings the food to our table...

MADISON:  Here comes the rice!

The waitress sets down the plates...

MADISON:  Whoa, that's a lot of rice. It looks like a mountain.

CHATTY PATTY, VOL. 10

May 22, 2014

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

I wrote a post and read over it several times, like I do, and had every intention of posting it here in place of this one, but I didn’t. Obviously. For the first time in a long time I second guessed myself and the composition of words I put together. It wasn’t the words themselves, it wasn’t even the purpose of them or the story they told or the passion behind every letter. It was the thought of having it misconstrued or worse… understood. My fears and insecurities, like anyone else’s, often find their way to the surface and bubble up with such force that I’m left with no choice but to sink under them and wait. Wait for what? Wait for them to dissolve back into the water of reality, wait until they find their way back to each other and to the light, wait until I’m able to ignore them all together or else collect them and accept them and expose them for what they are. Truth. Honesty. Transparency. I keep telling myself I write for me, but the real reason is to make someone feel something. Anything. To dig up a feeling as a reader that one hasn’t felt in quite some time, to relate, to ignite the spark of an extinguishing fire, to accept or reject, to repeat or discard, to just feel something and to do so is like finding magic. I just have to believe it can happen and it will.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

May 21, 2014

SAVED

I think I was drowning before she came along. I think He knew it, too, which is why I think He sent her when He did. A handpicked angel from His choir of wings and halos that He selected just for me (and my wife, too, I’m sure) and I think it all happened intentionally. A lifesaver in the form of a beautiful baby girl sent to save me from myself, to prove everything happens for a reason, to redefine and rediscover the purpose of this whole life thing.

At the time, a time before stuffed animals kept my couch cushions warm, I thought I knew everything. As it turns out, I knew only a portion of what I should and applied even less to learning more. For a brief moment between feeling her kick from within her mother’s womb until I heard her first breathy inhale evolve into an exhaled cry of freedom and confusion, I regretted every decision I had ever made. I barely recognized the reflection in the mirror. I searched for motivation, for drive, for passion and desire in the blue eyes that promised a world of opportunity before blinking it all away.

I spent the days floating by, coasting along enjoying whatever direction the wind blew me until she arrived. Once I saw her face, pink and screaming, once I held all eight pounds nine ounces of her in the bend of my elbow, her wiggling limbs folding into my chest, once I saw her eyelids part rivaling only the sight of the pearly gates opening and her eyes landed on mine, wet with tears that came without warning, I knew immediately she was a gift.

  

The next few years proved every decision I’ve ever made, good and bad and in between, all happened for a reason. Every month her age accumulated was another month reality settled in a little more. Every path I chose along the way led me to where I am now, feet in the sand, hand in hand with the little angel He sent as clarity. Every turn happened for a reason so I could learn the lessons needed to teach her, every mistake made so she doesn’t have to make them herself, every dream postponed because who knows if the chase then would lead to the same destination now. 

Everything happens for a reason. Every morning the sun rises and sets in the afternoon and the ocean crashes against the shore and the horizon holds it all, the reasons and explanations and truth, in its fold. This past weekend she slipped in the surf and before the strength of the ocean rolled her over I pulled her to her feet and she turned and said “you saved me Daddy, you’re my hero” but little does she know it will always be the other way around.

SAVED

May 19, 2014

THE BIG OAK DRIVE-IN

Sometimes I find myself landing on the Food Network channel if for nothing else than background noise, but if the show The Best Thing I Ever Ate is on… I’m all in. Random chefs and television personalities share some of what they consider to be the best things they’ve ever eaten from various places all over the country. Sometimes I wonder what I would say if someone were to ask me what the best thing I’ve ever eaten is and while I could weigh in with several answers there is one place that would always find itself towards the top of my list… The Big Oak Drive-In.

Located in Salter Path, NC as a small drive-in tucked away between large trees with the ocean at its back, it’s the best part of the beach rivaling the waves themselves. A trip to the Atlantic without a visit to The Big Oak, where they write your order on the bag they put it in, almost feels like a trip wasted. Their famous shrimp burgers and fried pickles are so delicious that my mouth waters every time the sun threatens summer heat because I know the countdown has begun, the weeks and days leading to the next reunion of me and the small drive-in with big flavored promises are numbered… and it delivers every time. 

THE BIG OAK DRIVE-IN

May 17, 2014

SIX WAYS FROZEN IS TAKING OVER OUR LIVES

There’s an epidemic slowly taking over the world like a frosting of ice disguised in an animated storyline and catchy songs about snowmen and freedom. If your household is remotely similar to mine then it should be no surprise Frozen references are found every where, every day and I’m starting to worry this movie is completely taking over our lives.

ONE -- We introduced Madison to her first chapter book with Frozen. We knew the movie would be part of her Easter basket so we wanted to seize the opportunity of reading the story before watching it. Every night before bed her mother and I took turns reading a chapter (two chapters, if she asked) finishing the night before Easter. We like that Madison got to imagine the characters and settings before she actually saw them because, let’s be honest, books are almost always better than their movie counterparts anyway.

TWO -- After witnessing Elsa climb a snow covered mountain with her cape flying behind her in the winter wind she created, Madison wanted to do the same. She doesn’t have the royal violet threads of an ice queen hanging in her closet so she improvised with one of her favorite blankets that she has yet to use for its intended purpose since. The number of times I’ve fixed her cape rivals the number of times we’ve seen the movie and listened to the soundtrack… which is a lot. More often than not, the cape prompts singing or singing prompts the cape, either way they almost always happen in unison.

THREE -- For Easter, Madison asked for a fish and what kind of Easter Bunny could refuse to deliver on that request? Once the initial excitement of receiving said fish subsided, the task of naming it was presented in which she chose to name it Madison. Obviously, this choice could lead to confusion down the road especially considering she had named several other things Madison that same week so Allison and I invoked our parental veto and asked that she choose something else. She went with Sassafras only to change it to Elsa a few days later.

FOUR -- In addition to watching the movie no less than several times a week and singing every song ten times that amount, we’ve now resorted to acting out the scenes. She’ll quickly shut her bedroom door and when her mother or I ask that she keep it open, we’re met with the response “go away, Anna” to which we have to retort by asking if she would like to build a snowman. We watch as she creates snow magic in the palms of her small hands standing in the middle of our living room and scream for help when she strikes someone across the temple with an invisible stream of ice and we do it all fairly often.

FIVE -- There is something worth noting about the Frozen soundtrack in that I fear there is some sort of subliminal, underlying message that encourages the listening and then singing of every song. On more than one occasion, Allison and I have both been guilty of singing along around the house or in the car or (in Allison’s case) in the shower as her and Madison fill the bathroom with the vocals of their very own Songs of Frozen concert. Madison knows every word to every song from every character in every scene and although her note selection could be considered a bit of a fixer-upper… if you will… her singing is probably my favorite part of this Frozen phenomenon.

SIX -- After dressing like the characters and naming pets after them and incorporating their dialogue in our every day vocabulary (thank you, Frozen, for teaching my toddler the word fractal) and acting out scenes until our heads hit our pillows at night, she has started to wake us up in the same spirit of the movie. Last Saturday morning, she came into our bedroom and padded her bare feet across the hardwood floor stopping just in front of my still sleeping face before taking her index finger and her chubby thumb to pry one of my eyes open exclaiming the sky is awake so she’s awake so it’s time to play. So I did because, honestly, it would take a cold-hearted individual to argue with that logic.

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For more of Madison's random moments, follow me on Instagram.

SIX WAYS FROZEN IS TAKING OVER OUR LIVES

May 15, 2014

A TRIP TO THE ZOO

Last Thursday night, we let her in on a little secret that we were going to the zoo in the morning… information we withheld in part to bribe good behavior and in part to encourage a speedy bedtime routine. She asked to see some bunnies and hoped for a squirrel sighting and waved her arms in excitement before climbing into her bed without us having to ask. 

The next morning we made our way to the animals waiting for us behind their enclosures and we trekked around the paved hills that provided paths between creatures much larger than us and some stronger than us and others we wanted to take home with us. She held hands with a friend she’s known her whole life, the daughter of her mother’s friend she’s known her whole life that met us there to navigate the trails between giraffes and zebras to black bears and flamingos. We watched her watching a female gorilla as she held her babies and we treated ourselves to frozen lemonades in a failed attempt to fight the heat of the North Carolina sun before moving on to view bison. 

We laughed, we walked, and we wiped sweat from our brows all in abundance and all as a result of the temperature combined with the joyful challenge of parenting our own. We saw a polar bear out of his element and elephants very much in theirs and just before we packed our belongings and the memories we made to leave we saw exactly what Madison hoped to see the most… a squirrel… and our trip to the zoo was deemed successful by all standards.

A TRIP TO THE ZOO

May 13, 2014

CHATTY PATTY, VOL. 9

I'm not sure if these are amusing to anyone else or just Allison and me since we're her parents, but I have a feeling we'll look back one day enjoying that we captured some of Madison's random little comments (click here for more).

She comes upstairs just after Allison finished cleaning her room...

MADISON:  Mama made my room. It looks so pretty.

--

Allison jumped out from behind something...

ALLISON:  BOO!

MADISON:  That's scary. Don't do that, Mommy, it's bad.

--

Allison is fixing her hair standing behind her in front of the mirror...

ALLISON:  Look at your pretty face.

MADISON:  I can't see it.

ALLISON:  What? Yes you can.

MADISON:  No, I can't because my head is in the way.

--

In the car...

ALLISON:  Why is everyone braking through the green lights?!

MADISON:  Calm down, Mama. Just calm down.

--

While Allison is putting on her socks...

MADISON:  Hurry, Mommy, I got games to play.

--

After discussing our address...
ALLISON:  Where do you live?
MADISON:  (leans in and hugs Allison) Right here.

CHATTY PATTY, VOL. 9

May 8, 2014

MADISON'S MOTHER

I remember the look of fear in her eyes when she told me she was pregnant. I remember the excitement in her nervous laugh when we heard the heartbeat for the first time. I remember the way her voice jumped an octave higher when we discussed nursery plans and when we purchased clothes for a tiny being inside her belly long before it was due to arrive.

I remember the ultrasound when we found out that baby expanding her midsection was a girl, our daughter, and I remember the immediate happiness that encouraged her smile in that moment. I remember the appointment where we saw that little girl’s facial features for the first time on a screen and it was hard for me to focus without looking at her then the screen then her again. I remember rubbing her swollen feet every night for nine months, my attempt at carrying some of the weight that ultimately served as a consolation that I couldn’t.

I remember the middle names she tossed around randomly in the car or during dinner or while we brushed our teeth in the morning. I remember the moment her water broke and the weight of the bag we packed and the way she curled her hair that morning. I remember the birthing ball and the rocking chair and the beeping of the monitors that stalked her contractions, drawing a picture of peaks and valleys all leading to our little girl’s arrival. I remember pushing pads of heat in her back as she screamed in agony and begged for relief. I remember standing there helpless wishing I could provide a moment for her to catch her breath. I remember seeing her face when she saw the face that just caused her so much pain and watching the memory of those moments before fade from her frame of mind.

I remember the overwhelming feeling of how lucky I was to share this with her, to share a gift I could never repay her for or match in anyway. The gift of life she gave our child. Consequently, the gift of life she in turn gave me, the gift of being a mother that she accepted so willingly and emphatically and without hesitation, a gift she was created to receive without even knowing. A gift I’m reminded of every time I see them lock eyes in a silent conversation or cuddle together or share a giggle or curl each other’s hair or paint each other’s fingernails or sing lullabies before bed. A gift I get to witness and enjoy by association alone, a gift that I thank Him for every night.

I couldn't have chosen a better mother for my child and one day I have a feeling I'll look back to remember this time of our lives, a time my wife is teaching my daughter to be the best woman she can be and a time I'm lucky enough to just be a part of it all.

MADISON'S MOTHER

May 6, 2014

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

The weekend before last we went to see a house we built in our minds as the house of our dreams even though we knew by pictures alone that it would need work to achieve that status. We discussed the possibility of another child to fill one of the additional bedrooms and spoke Christmas tree locations where we would gather around lit by its glow and we sat in silence lost in the could be’s and the maybe’s and the what if’s until we arrived at the location of this particular home.

Its not that we have intentionally been looking to move because we haven’t. We knew when we bought this property of ours where we currently reside that it wouldn’t be our forever home, but we didn’t set an expiration date in stone. We just stumbled across the listing for this other house and mentally moved ourselves in… until we saw it in person. Once we laid eyes on the house it was then we remembered pictures are worth a thousand words and none of those we thought of initially could be used to describe what we were seeing.

Occasionally reality presents itself in such a bold way that it cannot be ignored; such is the case when we put our vehicle in park in the driveway of an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere and knew immediately that it wasn’t the one. This was definitely not the house of our dreams where we would raise a child and entertain the thought of another one. This was not the space we would grow old together as we documented memories over the years in frames on the walls. This wasn’t it, this was not our house.

We left a little defeated with our toddler in the backseat. We pulled into our current driveway, the dwelling we purchased together just over three years ago and found ourselves smiling at the house we brought our baby home to. The house containing the living room where she took her first steps and the kitchen that watched meals evolve from puréed pears to solids and the bedroom where she rests her head in a crib that has since transitioned to a toddler bed and the backyard that helped our little girl celebrate the first year of her life by hosting a party for our closest friends and family.

Sometimes we have to chase a dream to discover a path back to what really matters. Sometimes what we’re looking for is right in front of us and sometimes we need a gentle reminder that home is where the heart is. While we imagine the day will come where we box our belongings and move to another house that allows us to spread our wings a bit more, for now we’re happy right where we are. For now, home is sweet and there’s no other place like it.  

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image source

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

May 4, 2014

SIMPLE GREEN BEANS

Sometimes you eat over at a friend’s house and you realize whatever you’re eating is delicious so you let them know by giving them a quick compliment. “This <insert food here> is really good” you say. After eating an entire serving you head back for seconds and finally ask for the recipe only to discover it’s something really simple that you should have been making your whole life. This is one of those things…

INGREDIENTS:

fresh green beans (washed with ends snapped)

olive oil

sea salt

black pepper

1 tablespoon butter

cavender’s seasoning
garlic (minced)

DIRECTIONS:
Drizzle olive oil on the beans tossing them to coat then sprinkle with sea salt, black pepper and cavender's seasoning. Throw the beans in a pan with a tablespoon of butter, garlic and a little olive oil heating over medium heat until beans are tender, tossing occasionally. The amount of ingredients are to taste; we usually eyeball how many beans we're hungry for and almost always go heavier on the cavender's seasoning. Simple, easy and delicious. Feed them to your friends/family and they'll be asking for the recipe, or at least for seconds, guaranteed.

SIMPLE GREEN BEANS

May 3, 2014