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Some days it feels like I’m chasing my tail, like my feet are exhausted from running circles around myself and it feels like I’m desperately trying to get somewhere by going nowhere. It feels like I have the weight of the world upon my shoulders and the strength it takes to hold it all up is going to eventually give way leaving everything to collapse and shatter around me.

Life is good. I can’t really complain yet here I am focusing on the one thing that breeds negativity, the one thing that consumes the majority of my days and bleeds into the time it doesn’t.  It wasn’t supposed to be this way. There were other options. There were other avenues to explore yet here I am. If life were a map there would be a huge red dot screaming “you are here” marking exactly where I am at this moment.

Taunting me. 

Threatening me. 

Encouraging me. 

Motivating me.

Telling me to do better, to never give up, to abandon my feet and spread my wings, to give up the running and take flight instead. There’s something out there. There’s something in me. There’s nothing left here and every day it becomes more and more clear. I feel the tips of my fingers throbbing with the potential to grip something else, something more, something I can call my own.

I feel we’re all looking for something inherently similar, that everyone is in search of complete happiness and once we find an area where that may reside we immediately turn to another where it obviously doesn’t. Such is the journey, I suppose. I’ve often wondered when my time would come and I’ve slowly realized the clock ticks on regardless; if I want to see my time then I have to grab the hands and make it happen myself. My time is now, I just have to make a move.

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